The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
