just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that's an acceptable place to lick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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