In America we eat man semen.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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