guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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