before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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