I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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