yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish my penis had a tongue
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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