no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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