yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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