i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
