God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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