There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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