wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
