You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
