Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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