There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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