Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
