But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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