im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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