4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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