Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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