i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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