You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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