i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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