I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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