So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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