I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
