i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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