You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
