It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
