you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
