I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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