I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
