He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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