How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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