you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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