I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
