I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
