I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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