She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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