So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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