I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
