The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
