hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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