More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
