so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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