Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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