Quick, to the slutcave!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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