I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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