Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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