Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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