dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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