His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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