I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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