Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
