First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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