Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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