u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
