its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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