when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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