Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
