...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
