I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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