Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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