Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
