I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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