By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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