Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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