you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize