you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
