I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
