How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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