so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
