why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
