Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
