I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
